The Savages

[it is ARIZONA]
Home Care Nurse: Flush the toilet, old man. I take care of your girlfriend, not you.
Philip Bosco: [smears his SHIT on the WALL and writes "PRICK" in it]
Me: Well, this is going to be a barrel of laughs.
Laura Linney: God, I wish my life didn't suck so bad. I work at an office and no one will give me money to write my terrible-sounding play based on my childhood. And my boyfriend's married and not even that cute. He is like a less-sexy version of Richard Jenkins.
Answering Machine Message: Hi, yeah, so your dad is smearing shit on the walls.
Laura Linney: Fuck.
[she calls her BROTHER in BUFFALO]
Philip Seymour Hoffman: Dude, our dad was not part of our life. I ain't care about him.
[the dad's GIRLFRIEND DIES at the NAIL SALON]
PSH: Now we have to go there for the funeral? Ugh.
Debra Monk: Thanks for coming out. By the way, your dad has no rights to any of my mom's property, even though they were together for 20 years. Sorry! Also he has dementia. Suckers!
Philip Bosco: Where's my son the doctor?
Laura Linney: Dad, he's a doctor of philosophy. He teaches theater.
Philip Bosco: Like Broadway?
Laura Linney: Like...theater of social unrest?**
Laura Linney: Well, I guess we have to take him with us.
PSH: And we'll put him in a nursing home.
Laura Linney: OH MY GOD NO WE CAN'T PUT HIM IN ONE OF THOSE OH MY GOD.
PSH: Look, just bring him to Buffalo and we'll figure it out.
[they find a place that seems FINE and takes MEDICAID]
Laura Linney: Oh my god, we're horrible children!
PSH: No, we're not. Now, I need to work on my Brecht book, so you can take care of dad while I do that.
Laura Linney: But I'm getting a grant from the Guggenheim Foundation to finish my play!
PSH: Oh. Well, I will try very hard not to mask my surprise, because I obviously think you are stupider than me.
Laura Linney: Here, let's just both take some Percocet I stole from dad's dead girlfriend.
[they DO and it is NICE because drugs are HELPFUL]
Laura Linney: Are you sure this nursing home is nice enough?
PSH: Yes. Now shut up.
Laura Linney: I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU GROW EMOTIONALLY.
[a LOT of REALLY BORING SHIT happens]
Laura Linney: My married boyfriend killed my plant. It's symbolic.
PSH: Well, my girlfriend moved back to Poland. And I know you didn't get a grant.
Laura Linney: NOW IT IS TIME WE HAD AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION!!
[they DO but it is really kind of BORING though they are both GOOD at ACTING]
Philip Bosco: So glad I could help you two reconnect with each other and your art. Now I'll die.
[he DOES and it is a RELIEF and not SAD]
Laura Linney: Now I know how to finish my play!
PSH: Now I know I want to marry my girlfriend!
[they are HAPPY?]

**only LOL moment in the whole movie

Point Break

[it is LA]
Keanu: I am a super-awesome FBI agent! Just see how I can shoot many things and get a 100% on my shooting things test!
[some guy gives him a THUMBS UP]
Swayze: Check out my awesome surfing skills! I am as good at surfing as Keanu is at shooting things!
[meanwhile, at a BANK]
Dude in a Reagan Mask: We are the Ex-Presidents! Give us your cash!
[they MENACE people but do not KILL anyone and get a bunch of MONEY]
Keanu: Now I will report to my new assignment. I sure hope I get a good case to work on, and a cool partner.
John C. McGinley: Keanu! How can your name in this movie possibly be Johnny Utah? That is not a real name!
Keanu: I promise, it's real.
John C. McGinley: You think you're sooooo great, don't you? Young, dumb and full of cum?*
Keanu: Uh, gross.
John C. McGinley: Well, here's your partner.
Gary Busey: Fuck you! I hate you! But we are partners! Let's work together! Here is some background info about this Ex-Presidents bank robbers thing.
[they INVESTIGATE the bank robbers' CAR but have NO LEADS]
Gary Busey: So I have this theory that the bank robbers...are SURFERS! They only strike in the summertime, and I can totally see a tan line on this guy's butt.
Keanu: That makes total sense. Let's use that admittedly-weak theory to build an elaborate undercover operation that requires me to learn to surf.
[they pretend to SURF on their DESKS]
Keanu: Now to try real surfing.
[there is a SURF MONTAGE and he SUCKS at it]
Lori Petty: You seriously suck at surfing.
Keanu: Maybe you can teach me.
Lori Petty: No! I have too hard an exterior! You will never find out how to connect with me emotionally, never!
[Keanu uses his FBI ACCESS to learn that her PARENTS were KILLED in a PLANE CRASH]
Keanu: So, hello again. I just thought I'd let you know that my parents were killed in a car crash. That's why I want to learn to surf.
Lori Petty: My hard exterior! It's crumbling!! Okay, I will teach you.
[there is ANOTHER MONTAGE]
Swayze: So you're learning to surf from my girl here. Pretty radical.
Other Surfers: Who the fuck is this guy? We hate him! Our natural reaction to outsiders is hate!
Swayze: But he's a famous football quarterback from Ohio State!
Other Surfers: Okay, we love him then.
My Roommate Tina: Surfers do not play football. I'm just saying.
[there is some MORE SURFING]
Gary Busey: Dude, are you conducting an investigation or just hanging out?
Keanu: I'm conducting an investigation!! And hanging out. Simultaneously. It's radical. Also, I think the Ex-Presidents surf on this beach because we analyzed some hair follicles or something.
[he goes to THAT BEACH and encounters some ANGRY SURFERS]
Anthony Kiedis: We are gonna give you some scar tissue!!
[they have a FIGHT and Keanu STARTS to kick some ASS but there are FOUR of them]
Swayze: I got you, buddy!!
[they BOTH kick some ASS and it is GREAT]
Keanu: Thanks, man. I feel really close to you right now. What's the deal with those dudes?
Swayze: They only live to get radical. They don't understand the sea. They'll never get the spiritual side.*
Keanu: Oh. I bet they're bank robbers!
[they RAID the bad surfers' HOUSE but it turns out they are just DRUG DEALERS]
Tom Sizemore: YOU FBI FUCKERS FUCKED UP MY UNDERCOVER PROJECT! DO YOU THINK I LIKE MY HAIR LIKE THIS???*
Keanu: Oops?
[there is a SURF PARTY]
Swayze: Let me take this opportunity to tell you about the BIGGEST WAVE EVER that is about to happen in Australia. I will be on that big wave.
Keanu: I will remember that.
Lori Petty: Remember earlier when you crumbled my hard exterior? Wanna crumble it further?
Keanu: I wanna taste you.**
[they BONE]
Lori Petty: Wait, you're an FBI agent? What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck?!
Keanu: I'm working a case! It's not about you! I'm sorry I lied about my dead parents!
Lori Petty: I am so betrayed!!
Keanu: Oh well, back to the beach.
[one of his SURF BUDS moons someone...JUST like the BANK ROBBER]
Keanu: Of course! Only a bank robber would moon someone! I'll tail my friend Swayze and see if he cases any banks!
[he DOES]
Keanu: We need to be at this bank! They're gonna rob it!
Gary Busey: Could you just get me a meatball sub real quick?
[they MISS the robbery because of the MEATBALL SUB]
Keanu: Shit! I guess it's time for a foot chase between me and Reagan Mask Guy!
[there is a VERY LONG FOOT CHASE through many YARDS and HOUSES and Keanu goes through a SLIDING DOOR]
Keanu: You won't get away, Reagan Mask Guy Who May or May Not Be My Best Bud Swayze! I will jump down into this ravine...AAAAGAHHHAHA! My football injury!
[the Reagan Mask Guy, who he SUSPECTS is Swayze, gets STUCK and Keanu could SHOOT him]
Keanu: What if it's my friend? I CANNOT SHOOT HIM.
[he SHOOTS into the air in ANGUISH]
Gary Busey: You could have shot him.
Keanu: I missed.
Gary Busey: You got a 100% on that shooting test! You don't miss.
Keanu: Uh. It was my football injury?
Swayze: Hey man, wanna go skydiving? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO GO SKYDIVING.
Keanu: I have no proof that he is a robber! And I don't want to blow my cover! What do I do?
[he GOES and it is PRETTY FUN and lasts for like a REALLY LONG TIME]
Keanu: Hey, that was fun!
Swayze: Oh, by the way - I totally kidnapped my/your girlfriend and she's gonna die if you don't assist us in the last bank robbery.
Keanu: WHAAAAAA? Okay. I love her, I guess.
[the last robbery goes HORRIBLY AWRY and people get SHOT and KILLED]
John C. McGinley: Ha ha! Now I get to arrest you for being a bank robber! My comeuppance has come!
Gary Busey: I'll take him in...NO I WON'T SUCKAAAAA
[he takes him to the AIRPORT where Swayze is ESCAPING in a PLANE and there is a SHOOTOUT and Gary Busey DIES and it is ACTUALLY SAD]
Swayze: Get on the plane or I will kill you!! Even though we are friends. Or something.
Keanu: Okay. I will figure out a plan once we're in the air.
[he JUMPS without a CHUTE and they have a MID-AIR fight and it is AWESOME and they BOTH LAND alive]
Swayze: Goodbye. I am going to leave you here in the desert. See you in hell, or perhaps on that big wave I told you about earlier.
Lori Petty: You saved me! I don't even care that you're a liar!
[they SOMEHOW get out of the DESERT, though they have NO CAR or anything]
Keanu: I will track Swayze to the ends of the earth - literally! Because I am now in Australia, where that big wave is going to happen.
Swayze: Good job, dude. You gonna arrest me? Or you gonna let me ride that big wave?
[they GAZE at each other in a MODERATELY GAY WAY]
Keanu: Get on that wave.
Australian Police: What! You let him get away. I guess we'll catch him when he comes back.
Keanu: He's not coming back.***
[he WALKS AWAY, in the RAIN]

**Not an actual line, but suggested by my roommate Stephanie. Could definitely be an actual line based on cheesiness of the rest of the dialogue.
***Actual line that, although I had never seen this movie before, I spoke along with Keanu with the correct delivery.

Junebug

[it is CHICAGO]
Embeth Davidtz: Oh. A cute man across the gallery. Perhaps I will introduce myself to him, and then make out with him.
[she DOES, to the strains of the MOST ADORABLE SONG IN THE WORLD and then get MARRIED after like ONE SECOND]
Embeth Davidtz: Awesome. But now I have to go on a business trip to go see this outsider artist in North Carolina. It's near where your family lives. Maybe I could meet them, since I never have?
Alessandro Nivola: Um...okay. I don't know how they'll react to your big-city ways.
Embeth Davidtz: Let's go! I'm sure everything will be fine, and not ever tension-filled.
[she goes to visit the ARTIST, who is SUPER WEIRD but makes PRETTY COOL PAINTINGS]
Embeth Davidtz: I like all the dog heads...and computers...and scrotums.*
Artist: [says something WEIRD]
Embeth Davidtz: That's nice. I'll take very good care of you at my gallery. I really mean that. I think.
Amy Adams: Ohmygodohmygodohmygoddddd they're heeeeeeeere!! I'm so excited to meet my new sister-in-law!!!
[she WADDLES over to them, as she is LARGELY PREGNANT]
Mom: Hi.
Dad: Hi.
Ryan from The OC: [silence]
Alessandro Nivola: So...good times, right?
[they all look KIND OF MISERABLE, except Amy Adams, who is ADORABLE]
Embeth Davidtz: A church dinner? How quaint. Am I enjoying this? I'm not sure.
[her husband SINGS a HYMN and it is actually QUITE NICE]
Embeth Davidtz: Oh - he sings. What? How did I not know this? I have a feeling I'm going to find out a few more things I never knew about him. What I do know, though, is that we like to bone.
[they PROVE this by BONING]
Ryan from The OC: Thanks for offering to help me with my Huckleberry Finn paper for my GED program. Now I will awkwardly hit on you.
Embeth Davidtz: Oh, uh - all that affection I showed you? That's just my city way. I don't want to do you.
Amy Adams: Let me do your nails! Let me know everything about you!! Waaaaa! Oh wait, I'm in labor! Waaaaaaaaaa!!
Mom: Okay, we're off to the hospital. Wife of my son: you stay here.
[they DRIVE OFF and leave her STANDING in the DRIVEWAY alone and it is VERY METAPHORICAL]
Artist: I ain't sure I wanna sign with y'all in Chicago. I wanna show in New York.
Embeth Davidtz: No! My livelihood! He must sign with us! I must go to him, now!
Alessandro Nivola: But my sister-in-law's in labor.
[she is TORN between FAMILY VALUES and WORK, but she picks WORK because she is a CITY FOLK]
Alessandro Nivola: The baby died.
Embeth Davidtz: Oh. I wish I could be there.
Alessandro Nivola: You could have been.*
Amy Adams: It's okay. I'm still obsessed with you. And babies. And my small life here in the country.
Embeth Davidtz: We gotta get outta here.
[they drive back to CHICAGO and resume their CITY LIFE]

Serenity

[it is a SPACE SCHOOL]
Exposition Teacher: We used up Earth That Was and left for a bunch of other planets on a new solar system, and we "terra-formed" them, which is why they all look like Earth That Was and have air and horses, and then we made this Alliance, which is great. SO GREAT. EVERYONE LOVES THE ALLIANCE.
Little River: But not everyone does.
Exposition Teacher: EVERYONE. DOES.
[it is a SPACE HOSPITAL, where the SAME GIRL is being EXPERIMENTED ON]
Waiting for Guffman Guy: ...so then we just stick this thing into her brain and fuck around with it. Fun, huh?
Dr. Simon: Yeah. Fun.
[he uses a CRAZY PULSE WEAPON to KNOCK OUT everyone in the room and ESCAPE with his SISTER and if you never saw the SHOW, you will be like WHAT but TRUST ME it's GOOD]
The Black Guy from Love Actually: Wow, Waiting for Guffman Guy. Just - wow. You are seriously bad at your job of taking possibly-psychic people and doing experiments on them. And for that: you die.
[he does a NERVE PINCH THING that makes the guy FALL OVER, which wouldn't be SO BAD except that there is a SWORD THERE that STABS him]
The Black Guy from Love Actually: Now you know how I kill people. Remember that.
[meanwhile, on SERENITY, chunks are LITERALLY FALLING OFF the spaceship]
Nathan Fillion: We better go rob a bank to fix our ship. Do we need to re-introduce the crew?
Zoe: It wouldn't be a bad idea, sir. Some of the people who liked "Firefly" may have convinced their friends to see the movie without having seen the show.
Nathan Fillion: Can't say that's much of an idea, but all right. Where's your husband, the pilot?
Alan Tudyk: Over here! Being wacky and wearing a Hawaiian shirt!
Nathan Fillion: And Kaylee, our mechanic?
Kaylee: Right here, cap'n! Just fixin' up Serenity so she runs good for this job. And thinkin' 'bout the doctor. 'Cause I got an unrequited love for him.
Dr. Simon: She does. It's...mutual. I don't want to talk about it.
River: [says something POSSIBLY PSYCHIC]
Adam "Unrelated" Baldwin: I just want to get on with this gorram bank robbery!!
Nathan Fillion: Jayne, settle down and get in the hovercraft. We don't know why you have a girl's name.
[they go ROB a BANK, but are AMBUSHED by REAVERS, who are basically THE WORST]
Nathan Fillion: All right, time for a chase scene.
[they get CHASED and it is EXCITING but they are SAFE at the end]
Dr. Simon: You almost got my sister killed! We're getting off this ship, even though we are fugitives from the law and might not find another crew so willing to protect us.
Nathan Fillion: Great plan. Good luck with that.
[they all go to a SPACE SALOON and meet up with their CONTACTS to do a BUSINESS DEAL]
River: Miranda.
[she STARES at a JAPANESE-LOOKING COMMERCIAL and instead of having a SEIZURE, totally KICKS everyone's ASS]
Nathan Fillion: What in the rutting -- let's go. You two clearly can't handle yourselves. We better go talk to Mr. Universe about this.
David Krumholtz: Duhhhhh, the commercial was a subliminal message that makes her into an assassin, obviouslyyyyy. You're welcome. I have a robot bride.
Nathan Fillion: Looks like we need to go to that planet she mentioned, Miranda.
Kaylee: But Shepherd Book hasn't been featured in the movie yet! We need to visit him!
Nathan Fillion: Fine, let's go.
[they DO, and he has CORNROWS]
Inara: Also can you come help me, a former sort-of crew member who is clearly in love with you? This is not an Alliance trap at all.
[it is CLEARLY a trap, but they go ANYWAY and SAVE her]
Nathan Fillion: FINE. EVERYONE FROM THE SHOW IS IN THE MOVIE NOW ARE YOU HAPPY.
Kaylee: Yes, cap'n.
Nathan Fillion: Okay, now let's go to that outer rim planet.
Zoe: There's the other issue, that we have to go through Reaver territory to get there.
Nathan Fillion: I know! Let's disguise our ship as a Reaver ship! We'll just strap on some corpses and red paint and pass on through. Good thing the Alliance killed a bunch of our friends.
[everyone is like EW but they know it is THE ONLY WAY]
Alan Tudyk: Is now a good time for another pithy comment? No? Okay, well, we're here on the outer planet.
[the PLANET is totally INHABITABLE but everyone is MYSTERIOUSLY DEAD]
Sarah Paulson: Hi. I'm a recording that will conveniently explain what happened here. See, we tried to stop people from fighting with this drug in the air supply, but it made everyone give up the will to live and they all died. Except for a tiny percentage of the people, who became the Reavers. Sorry, universe! We ruined this world.
Nathan Fillion: Everyone in the universe must know about this! Let's broadcast it, using Mr. Universe's broadcasting equipment.
David Krumholtz: Sure, come on by. This is also not a trap.
[it is ALSO A TRAP]
Adam "Unrelated" Baldwin: But how we gonna get past them Reavers agin? And what about all the Alliance ships that are sure to be waiting for us?
[they pit their TWO ENEMIES against EACH OTHER and it is AMAZING]
Alan Tudyk: I am a leaf on the wind.*
[he PILOTS the ship EXPERTLY and LANDS it but then gets STABBED by a HARPOON and it is TERRIBLE]
Zoe: I am a soldier! I will not stop to grieve! I will fight!
Dr. Simon: I'm really sad I never did you.
Kaylee: Really? Screw this, I'm gonna live!!*
[they set up a REAVER BOTTLENECK and have a HUGE FIREFIGHT while the captain goes to BROADCAST the message]
River: Guys, I'm going to go defeat the Reavers alone. BRB.
[she goes NUTS with, like, an AXE and it's AWESOME]
The Black Guy from Love Actually: Oh no you don't, captain! We have to have our man-to-man battle! And I need to use that nerve pinch thing again!
[there is a LOT of FIGHTING and it is COOL and NERVE-WRACKING]
Nathan Fillion: Here's the thing about that nerve pinch thing, though: I don't have nerves there. YA BURNT.
[he WINS and broadcasts the THING and everyone is ALIVE except the two that DIED EARLIER]
Kaylee: Yes! Now I can bone the doctor!
Dr. Simon: Wooooo!
Inara: Yes! Now I can continue to look at the captain in a suggestive way!
Nathan Fillion: Woooooo, I guess?!
River: Yes! Now I can not be crazy, mostly!
Zoe: I'm still sad, but also strong.
Adam "Unrelated" Baldwin: Woooooo! Let's go steal somethin'! But have morals about it!
[they DO, we assume]

Guest Post: Her Married Lover

Lord knows we love a made-for- television movie up in this blog. Such fodder. We had not one, but TWO Lifetime movie weeks! Remember those days, guys? Good times. Laura McClain wants to take us back there. Hit it.
(Also, this movie is apparently called A Clean Kill in some places? And it's very popular in Australia? Whatever.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[it is AMERICA]
Pretty Brunette: A woman is dead! Her car is at the bottom of the ravine!
Surly Cop: So you want to report a vehicular accident?
Pretty Brunette: No….a MURDER.*
Surly Cop: Okay. Walk along that yellow line through those doors. The line is symbolic or something.
[she and her PEASANT DRESS and PLATFORM SNEAKERS walk slowly down a HALLWAY as many RANDOM establishing shots of HISPANIC people are SHOWN]
Rotund Detective: So, tell me about this dead lady. Who killed her?
Pretty Brunette: Her husband….we were lovers.
Rotund Detective: Okay. What’s his name?
Pretty Brunette: Richard Mannhart.
Rotund Detective: Man heart? REALLY? That’s the best name the screenwriters could come up with?
Pretty Brunette: It’s symbolic!
[FLASHBACKFLASHBACKFLASHBACK]
Pretty Brunette Voiceover: I stopped at a convenience store late one night to pick up some things…
[she WALKS around the STORE looking TERRIFIED for NO REASON]
Patrick Dempsey’s Nerd Friend from Can’t Buy Me Love: This is a stick-up!
Pretty Brunette: Gasp!
[a man GRABS her from BEHIND and COVERS her MOUTH with his LEATHER-GLOVED hand while CARESSING her LADY BITS with his OTHER, UN-GLOVED hand]
Mysterious Stranger: Shhhhhh….don’t make a sound.
Convenience-Store Clerk: [SHOOTS criminal]
Pretty Brunette: But…where did the leather-gloved man go? He saved my life! Also, that caressing was hot.
[she CLEANS her HOUSE while LISTENING to the RADIO]
Radio Announcer: That was Richard Mannhart, acclaimed mystery writer.
Pretty Brunette: That voice! THAT VOICE! It’s leather-glove man!
[she FINDS him TEACHING at a COMMUNITY COLLEGE]
Pretty Brunette: Why did you run from the convenience store?
Mysterious Stranger, aka Man-Heart: I think you have me mistaken for someone else.
[he PULLS on a LEATHER GLOVE so you KNOW it's him, as ONLY HE owns LEATHER GLOVES]
[MEANWHILE, back in the PRESENT]
Some Cops: Your wife’s in pretty bad shape Mr. Mannhart. You’d better come with us.
Man-Heart: Why? I will act suspiciously at my book-signing!
[FLASHBACKFLASHBACKFLASHBACK]
Pretty Brunette: I will go to work editing a movie with a very sinister child in it.
Man-Heart: [SNEAKS up BEHIND her and HUMPS her while WEARING a GLOVE again]
Pretty Brunette: So erotic!
[she GOES back to his CLASS and she CREEPILY takes his PHOTO, and they have a SEXY ENCOUNTER on a ROOF]
Pretty Brunette: So then we started having an affair…it was sexy yet sinister.
Rotund Detective: [LOOKS at her IMPASSIVELY]
[there are MONTAGES of them having SEX on VARIOUS surfaces, though she ALWAYS wakes up ALONE and FULLY CLOTHED, including SHOES]
Man-Heart: I love you so much, baby.
Pretty Brunette: I love you too! I’m tired of sharing you with her - get a divorce!
[they GO to a PARK, where all INTENSE CONVOS occur]
Man-Heart: I’m divorcing her! Take this enormous chintzy ring as proof that I will marry you!
Pretty Brunette: Hooray! Let’s celebrate this occasion by taking pictures in that photo booth!
[they DO and then BONE on a ROCK in like a CAVE or something]
[MEANWHILE, back in the PRESENT]
Nurse: Your wife is in a coma. She’s probably going to die.
Some Cops: So tell us about your mistress. She gave us a lot of private info about you!
Man-Heart: She was just my stuuuuudent! I don’t know how she knows about me! I will
continue to seem suspicious!
[his WIFE dies]
Pretty Brunette: So we were going to get married…but he never showed up to meet my friend who looked like Katie Couric. So I called him to bitch him out.
[she wears a TIERED TEA-LENGTH wedding dress, which is possible PROOF of her CRAZY]
Pretty Brunette: Where are you? You’re supposed to love me!
Man-Heart: I don’t even know who you are! You’re just my stuuuuudent!
Pretty Brunette: Why are you denying me? Is it because your bitch wife is right there?
Rotund Detective: Why didn’t you end it with him?
Pretty Brunette: He was too irresistible!
[he is NOT]
Man-Heart: I’m sorry I didn’t come by, baby…but look! I wrote out our whole affair in my new novel. My writer’s block is cured! It also details how I will kill my wife to take her money and be with you!
Pretty Brunette: Gasp! You cannot do this!
[she READS his TERRIBLE-LOOKING manuscript]
Pretty Brunette: I have to talk to you after class, which I am still taking for some reason!
Man-Heart: YOU’RE JUST MY STUUUUUDENT! STOP STALKING ME!
Pretty Brunette: What is WRONG with you???
[she GOES to tell his WIFE that he is going to KILL her but the WIFE is BITCHY and
DISMISSIVE]
Pretty Brunette: I will stalk her to save her life!
[she FOLLOWS his wife in a CAR and totally RUNS her OFF the ROAD while trying to SAVE her, though it is INDICATED that the BRAKES were CUT]
Rotund Detective: Okay. I need some proof that you were his lover to book him. Literally nobody ever saw you together.
Pretty Brunette: I have proof!
[she HANDS him the PHOTO BOOTH pictures]
My Friend Dawn: Well, this is Lifetime….the bitch can’t be crazy. They always side with the chick in these movies.
Rotund Detective: Okay. Thanks. I’m going to get a nice lady cop to take you into another room.
[they WALK her DOWN a HALLWAY past Man-Heart, and she SUDDENLY has a SERIOUS case of the CRAZY EYES]
Rotund Detective: Sorry, Mr. Mannhart. This time...the bitch IS crazy.
[he GIVES him the PHOTO BOOTH pictures, which show her in a Donna Martin hat POSING with his PHOTO and it’s PRETTY CREEPY]